I know a lot of women who don’t feel safe. Even with their husbands.
They are not held in a space where they can flourish in the energy of the Divine Feminine. You know when men say, ‘that bitch is crazy’. Well, in many cases this is right. When a woman does not feel safe around the very person who is supposed to be her protector, it triggers a response in her sympathetic nervous system. This is the fight or flight response.
The nervous system and the endocrine (or hormone) system work together. And together they detect external and internal signals and stressors, they transmit and integrate information to try to maintain homeostasis. If the nervous system is constantly in fight or flight, how do you think the endocrine system is going to react to that? And if we keep going down the line of bodily systems affected, if the endocrine system is out of balance, that dysregulates every other metabolic process in the body.
Metabolism on a very basic level, it is the process by which your body converts the food, water, air and thoughts that you consume into energy for use in the body’s growth, repair, and normal functioning.
Our body needs to feel safe to begin its healing process. It cannot begin healing while it is in the flight or fight response. It requires the parasympathetic nervous system, the rest and digest response, to be activated to even begin the healing process. Safety signaling frees up ‘bandwidth’ for your nervous system to repair and reset.
Women need a MAN. A man has started the journey within, attending to his own wounds and showing up as the best possible version of himself. He has stepped into his Divine Masculine. The wounded masculine on the other hand, one who criticises, controls, manipulates, or dishonours his woman cannot and will not make her feel SAFE. She can therefore never feel she can surrender to him, and in fact, her inner masculine will step into the forefront to protect her and do the job himself.
Men and women each have their roles. We each have the masculine and the feminine energies within us. We go within to dance with these energies and find the perfect harmonious balance for each one of us. It took me decades to step out of my dominant masculine energy after my daughter’s father left us when she was only 12 months old. My masculine energy stepped up, he dominated, and he made it difficult to attract the right energy in all future partners that I brought into my energetic space, until I did my own inner work. I even considered dating women during this time I was so wounded.
We do not flourish in a partnership, nor can we support our man without this one thing first. It took me a few more failed relationships before I started to do the work. My wounded feminine energy was attracting wounded masculine energies. When you are incomplete you wander around looking for someone to complete you and this leads to unrest in a relationship.
When I finally stepped into the feminine energies that I was born to, I found love for myself that I had never known before. I went within. I did the work. I became LOVE, as opposed to feeling love like it was conditional. I wanted to show up whole, and I made sure that I did. And when I felt that the time was right and only then…the world conspired to bring into my life the love of a MAN, a warrior, someone that holds me in a safe space, no matter what he has going on. His priority in life is treating me like his Goddess because he knows that this one simple act on his behalf, will repay him 10-fold in what I am prepared to do for him and his children every single day.
What happens when we do not feel safe?
Are we afraid? We might experience fear, or anger or I don’t know…you insert the name of an e-motion. Bottom line, we are out of balance when we are sitting in this space.
However, what would happen if we stopped in this moment and acknowledge that we are not fear. We are not anger. We are not ANY e-motion. What would that mean? What are we then when this becomes a conscious thought in our mind? Are we still the e-motion, or do we now become the witness of that e-motion? We cannot be both. I repeat, we cannot be both.
Let’s tap into our body and explore how it feels to become the witness of fear. To become the witness of anger. This philosophy in Ayurveda is known as Sānkhya. Within this new dualistic mindset that we are developing, we have an awareness that we can now utilise to approach any situation where we might otherwise get swept up in our e-motions in the moment. We can stop. We can take a step back. We can acknowledge that what we are experiencing are feelings, rather than us being our feelings. Can you feel how different this would land in our bodies. We are now beginning to actively process e-motions rather than being triggered and reactive every day.
You have now become the witness to that emotion. Separate to ‘being’ or ‘having’ that emotion.
You begin to witness that e-motion expressing itself in physiological ways in your body. For example: anger can make you hot and flushed, fear can excite your fight or flight response, sadness can bring tears and mucous, anxiety can show up as feeling nauseous, lack of appetite, nervous mind, lack of concentration. Unless you actually WANT to feel this way (remember all of life is an offer, you have a choice), you now have the tools to stop, take a step back and review what happened, and the response that is being presented to you like an offer.
For example, “would you like to feel mad or sad about this or should we acknowledge that it has no place in our body, mind or spirit and let it go?”, and then YOU get to choose to accept or decline that offer, or even throw in an alternative to the response if one comes to mind.
Observe if it would add to or if it would drain your energy? Is this energetic expression allowing you to show up as the best possible version of yourself? Does it even help the situation you find yourself in? Maybe you just need some time out and you decide to go for a walk or sit outside with a cup of tea in silence instead of choosing an e-motion that could drain your lifeforce.
When you can see the world is only presenting you with offers, offers to feel this way or respond that way, with their respective consequences, you can acknowledge in any given moment that yeah, you just accepted an offer, and the offer was to feel and react a certain way. AND, these are my consequences. Maybe I won’t choose that again next time. I could walk away. I could protect my space more next time. You get the point?
You hold all of the power!
Remember all of life represents itself to you as an offer, and you get to accept, decline, or counter that offer. It is in this moment that you can make magic happen. In this moment, you are truly working with the Divine Creator. You make a conscious choice. You either have to become a victim, or you get to liberate yourself from pain and suffering.
Welcome to the gift of radical responsibility that comes with the life of the Warrior Woman.
When you show up as the dedicated and resilient Warrior Woman who walks The Way, you will meet the Divine Feminine within.
